October 6, 2024

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Donnie’s Jokes – Patty’s Edition

13 years ago MikeV

gas-lol-omg-wtfSt. Patty’s Day Humor

Q:  What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A:  A sham rock

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Vince is Goin for the Gold

Vince is pokin around in Rite Aid and discovers a new brand of condoms called Olympic Condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack and rushes home. Once there he tells Joanne about the condoms he just bought. “Olympic Condoms?”, she blurts out, “What makes them so special?” “They come in three colors”, Vince replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.” “Oh yeah, and what color are you going to wear tonight?”, Joanne asks cheekily. “Gold of course”, says Vince proudly. Joanne responds really? “Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be really nice if you came second for a change!”

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Quick Thinkin Rich

Nervous as hell, Richie Hump walks up to this girl in at Redz and says, “Would you like to dance? “
The girl smirks and says, “I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you anyway. “
Stunned however always quick with a comeback, Rich smiles and replies, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants. “

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Don’t Mess With Anna
After patrolling the streets of Mayfair all night, Anna came home and found her husband Ken blow drying his junk! Stunned, Anna asked, “Ken – What the hell are you doing?!?!?” When Ken woke up in the hospital he quickly realized that “Heating your dinner” was not the right answer.
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Mia’s da Boss
While playing in the playground, young Thomas turned to his brother Sam and says, “You know what Sam … I think it’s about time we started cussing.”Sam agrees and nods his head in approval”
Thomas continues,”When we go in for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell, and you say something with ass.”
Sam likes the plan agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother Mia walks into the kitchen and asks the Sam what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Awww hell Mom … I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
WHACK!!!
Sam flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I decide to let you out!”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at Thomas and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
“I don’t know,” Thomas blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
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Ironic?
The food stamp program, part of the Dept of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.
Meanwhile another government agency, the Park Service, has signs posted everywhere stating “Please Do Not Feed the Animals as they may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.”

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Finally

First off, PROPS to everyone who came out and made Mayfair’s Shamrock Shuttle a huge success! You guy’s came, you partied, and you respected the neighborhood. Thank You! As a result of the Shuttle’s success, we’re already planning on another similar event in May called the Mayfair May-Fair. Stay tuned!
As far as Patty’s day plans, I’ll be headin to Redz to catch Boss Hydro and Rev playing some killer music along with their Green Bikini Contest. If you’ve got a hot frame, strap on your best bikini cause the winner will be walking out with an extra $500 in their pocket! This contest is no joke! PROPS to Redz for hosting it!

As always, keep your jokes, pics, whathaveu and whatnot coming to DonnysJokes@yahoo.com

Have FUN!!

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