Donny’s Jokes – February / March 2012

President’s Day

Amy Knows Dave and Christine were eating breakfast with their daughter Amy over the weekend when Christine asked, “Amy, what holiday is on the 20th of February?”Amy replied “It’s Presidents Day Mommy!” “She’s such a smart kid” boasted Dave who then asked  “And what does President’s Day mean honey?”Waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln or something like that Amy instead replied “President’s Day is when Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we’ll have one more year of unemployment!”

Little Julian vs Mr. Paul

Little Julian walks onto his school bus and sits right behind the bus driver Mr. Paul and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom was a cow I’d be a little bull. ” Mr. Paul starts getting irritated at the noisy kid, who continues with, “If my mommy and daddy were elephants then I would be an elephant too! ” The kid goes on and on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells, “Hey Julian, what if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!” Julian smiles and says, “That’s easy Mr. Paul … I’d be a bus driver! “

Kelsey’s Bike

Dave came home from a long business trip to find his daughter Kelsey riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike Kelsey … It must have cost $300? ” “Easy, Dad,” the little girl replied. “I earned it hiking. ” “Come on,” said Dave “Tell me the truth. ” “That is the truth,” Kelsey replied. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Kenny from the campground would come over to see Mom. Then he’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike! “

Matt’s Cookies

A very old man named Matt lay dying in his bed. Suddenly he smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.He gathered his remaining strength, lifted himself from the bed, and slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and down the stairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame gazing into the kitchen.There, spread out on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted girlfriend Lisa D who wanted to see to it that he left this world a happy man?  Mustering every effort he could, he threw himself towards the table and fell to the floor. Matt’s shaky, aged, and withered hand made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a spatula by his girlfriend Lisa.  “Stay out of those Matthew,” she said. “They’re for the funeral!”

Granny Greeko

Trish the hooker was hanging out with all of her hooker friends along Cottman ave. when suddenly Steve the cop pulled up and said “Hey little girl … You and all of your friends line up for questioning!” Out of nowhere Trish’s grandma, Granny Greeko, came walking by and said “Why are all of you girls lined up here?” Trish didn’t want her grandma to know what she did for a living so she said “We’re lined up here to buy oranges grandma.” The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to Granny Greeko the cop said “How do you do it, you’re so old?!? “Granny Greeko replied – “It’s easy … You just peel it down, and you suck it dry! “

Thirsty Norm

Steve the cop pulls Norm over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinking? “Norm replied, “You buying? “

Finally …March 3rd gang … Saturday March 3rd is the Shamrock Shuttle in Mayfair and it’s gearing up to be one of the best ones yet! The bar owners and neighborhood organizers have worked really well together to ensure a great day for all. The buses start rolling in around noon and will run until … who knows! Traditionally the weather has been absolutely beautiful on Shuttles past and I’m sure the luck of the Irish will continue. Please be respectful of the neighborhood so that these events and others like it will continue to run through Mayfair for many many years to come. Thanks guys!

Speaking of Mayfair … PROPS to Gary of Reale’s for bringing in some really good bands to play for their Friday Happy Hours! A few weeks ago I caught Joe Coyne of Evryman Jack playing and last week was Stems and Seeds. Thanks Gary – Keep em commin!The weather’s finally breaking and before you know it May will be here and teh concerts in teh park will be in full swing. The crew of the Pennypack Music Festival have been working their asses off to try to bring you some of the best concerts ever. We’re also toying around with possibly doing a first ever Cover Band Concert in Pennypack this summer, so Stay Tuned!

That’s it gang … As always keep your pics, jokes, whathavue and whatnot coming to DonnysJoke@yahoo.com.You guy’s are the BEST … Have FUN!!—Donny SmithMayfair Civic AssociationSergeant-at-Armshttp://www.mayfaircivicassociation.com/