Donny’s Jokes – December 2011
Julian’s Letter to Jesus
Christmas was coming, and Julian asked his mother Sue if he could have a new bike. Sue told him that he should probably write a letter to Santa Claus and ask him for the bike. Julian having just played a vital role in the school nativity play said that he would rather write the letter to baby Jesus. His mother told him that that would be fine.
Julian went to his room and wrote, “Dear Jesus, I’ve been a very good boy and would like a new bike for Christmas”, but he wasn’t very happy when he read the letter over, so he decided to try again. This time he wrote” Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy MOST of the time, and would like a new bike for Christmas”. Still not happy, he tried a third time, “Dear Jesus, I COULD be a good boy if I really tried, and especially if I had a new bike!”
Julian still wasn’t satisfied, so he decided to take a walk and think about a better approach. After a short time, he passed his neighbor’s, the Scoats house, and they had a small statue of the Virgin Mary in their front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home, and hid it under the bed. Julian sat down and re-wrote the letter – “Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, there’d better be a new bike under my Christmas tree this year!”
Tis the Season for Cheesy One Liners!!
Christmas was coming, and Julian asked his mother Sue if he could have a new bike. Sue told him that he should probably write a letter to Santa Claus and ask him for the bike. Julian having just played a vital role in the school nativity play said that he would rather write the letter to baby Jesus. His mother told him that that would be fine.Julian went to his room and wrote, “Dear Jesus, I’ve been a very good boy and would like a new bike for Christmas”, but he wasn’t very happy when he read the letter over, so he decided to try again. This time he wrote” Dear Jesus, I’m a good boy MOST of the time, and would like a new bike for Christmas”. Still not happy, he tried a third time, “Dear Jesus, I COULD be a good boy if I really tried, and especially if I had a new bike!”
Julian still wasn’t satisfied, so he decided to take a walk and think about a better approach. After a short time, he passed his neighbor’s, the Scoats house, and they had a small statue of the Virgin Mary in their front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home, and hid it under the bed. Julian sat down and re-wrote the letter – “Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, there’d better be a new bike under my Christmas tree this year!”
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Tis the Season for Cheesy One Liners!!
Q: What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
A: This one will sleigh you
Q: Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
A: Because they are both tail bearers
Q: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
A: Don’t feed it
Q: Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
A: Because his brown ones were all muddy
Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground
Q: Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
A: The smallest ones
Q: Where do you find reindeer?
A: It depends on where you leave them
Q: What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
A: Baby reindeer
A: This one will sleigh you
Q: Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
A: Because they are both tail bearers
Q: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
A: Don’t feed it
Q: Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
A: Because his brown ones were all muddy
Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground
Q: Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
A: The smallest ones
Q: Where do you find reindeer?
A: It depends on where you leave them
Q: What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
A: Baby reindeer
Q: How does Santa Claus take photos?
A: With his North Pole-aroid
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve
Q: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month ?
A: The letter “D”
Q: Who delivers cat’s Christmas presents?
A: Santa Paws
Q: How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?
A: Stacks
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle
Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A: We’ll have a boo Christmas without you
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it “soots” him
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit
Q: What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
A: This ones gonna sleigh you
A: This ones gonna sleigh you
Q: What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you call a cat on a beach at Christmas?
A: Sandy Claus
Q: What does Santa call reindeer that don’t work?
A: Dinner
A: Dinner
Q: How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
A: Three: The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
A: Three: The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
Weeweechu
One beautiful December evening, Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean admiring a beautiful romantic full moon.
“The moon is stunning”, said Hung Cho, “Let’s play Weeweechu.”
“Oh no, not now Huan, lets just look at the moon”, said Jung Lee.
“Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I play Weeweechu. I love you so much, and it’s the perfect time!” Huan Cho begged.
“Can’t we just hold hands and quietly watch the moon?” pleaded Jung
“Please Jung Lee, just once… play Weeweechu with me.”
Jung Lee looked at Huan and said, “OK Huan, we’ll play Weeweechu.”
Excited, Huan Cho grabbed his ukulele and together they sang…
“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!“
MORE – But They’re Getting Better!!!
Q: What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play?
A: Santapplause!
Q: What do you call people who are scared of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic
Q: What do you call Santa when he has no money?
A: Saint “Nickel”- less
A: Saint “Nickel”- less
Q: What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?
A: A rebel without a Claus
Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A puddle
A: A puddle
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: “Wrap” music!
A: “Wrap” music!
Q: Who sings “Blue Christmas” and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
A: Elfis!
Final Thoughts …
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Navidad – It’s Christmas time – The time of year when everyone gets all “Santamental” – Haha!
Special thanks go out to everyone who came out and made the Mayfair-Holmesburg Thanksgiving Parade the AWESOME event that it was! Our Grand Marshal Ed Kelly (the man who built the Pennypack stage) was overwhelmed with joy! All of the bands were amazing! PROPS to Stems and Seeds for taking 1st place in the float contest. The bar has now been set – Haha!
PROPS also go out to Maggies, The Grey Lodge, The Hop Angel, Caspers, Paddywhacks and ALL of our sponsors for sponsoring the parade. We couldn’t have done it without you – Thank You!!
If you’re not doing anything on Sunday the 4th, Mayfair is having their Christmas tree lighting ceremony ( We still call it a Christmas tree here in Mayfair ) in Frusco’s lot at Frankford and Wellington at 4:00pm. Our Grand Marshal Ed Kelly will be lighting the tree. Bring your kids, and bring an unbreakable ornament to decorate the tree. It’s a good time with live music, Santa, and refreshments for all!
Have an AWESOME Christmas gang! Enjoy the time with your family and friends, and I hope that the fat guy brings you all that you want, and more!
As always, keep your jokes, pics, whathaveu and whatnot coming to DonnysJokes@yahoo.com
Have FUN!!