Donny’s Jokes…Thanksgiving Style!

Nov 22, 2012

funny_turkey_thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving!!!

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims

Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers!

Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their AGE!

Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY

Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A: A poultrygeist!

Q: What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!

Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.

Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A Har-VEST.

Q. Why was Plymouth Rock so brave?
A. It was a little boulder

Q. What do hippies put on their Thanksgiving potatoes?
A. Groovy
Q. On what holiday do you play a lot of jokes on people?
A. Pranksgiving

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Brownie’s Fish

Brownie goes to Dr. Harry her veterinarian with her pet goldfish and says ” Hey Doc I think my goldfish has epilepsy, can you fix him”? The vet takes a look at the fish and replies, “It seems calm enough to me Brownie.”
Rolling her eyes Brownie replies, ” No duh … I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet!”

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Things a Naked Guy Never Wants to Hear (Submitted from Bacon)

– I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
– Awww, it’s cute.
– I guess this makes me the early bird.
– Why don’t we just cuddle?
– You know they have surgery to fix that.
– Make it dance.
– Can I paint a smiley face on it?
– Wow, and your feet are so big.
– It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
– Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
– Can I be honest with you?
– How sweet, you brought incense.
– This explains your car.
– Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
– Why is God punishing me?
– At least this won’t take long.
– I never saw one like that before.
– But it still works, right?
– It looks so unused.
– Maybe it looks better in natural light.
– Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
– Are you cold?
– If you get me really drunk first….
– Is that an optical illusion?
– What is that?
– It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
– Does it come with an air pump?
– So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

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Schlitz

Vince walks into JC’s and asks Bowie the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. Bowie says, “What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it? Vince replies, “I hate that shit”. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, “You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks”. “You don’t understand” said Vince, “Chunks is my dog!”


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My Observation

Women are always say that giving birth to a child is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. There is obviously no way to directly prove that they are wrong, however a year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It would be nice to have ¬†another child.”

You never hear a guy say, “It sure would ¬†be nice to get kicked in the nuts again!”

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Finally

I can’t believe that Thanksgiving is here already, but I’m really excited to see winter whizzing by – I can’t wait till Spring! Once again I’d like to thank all of our volunteers who helped out with the Mayfair Holmesburg Thanksgiving Parade. We couldn’t have done it without you! I’d especially like to thank Saturn, Mike LeCompt, Nick from Stem, Chowder, Jamison, Romeo Delight, Michaels Glass, and as always the Glimmer Twins for performing in the parade. We’re STILL getting emails and phone calls from people telling us how awesome you guys were! They loved you guys – Thank You!!

Speaking of Mayfair, stop on up to the Mayfair Tree lighting and Christmas Village on Sunday December 2nd starting at 1:00 right at Frankford and Cottman. All kinds of crafts (including beer) as well as Santa! The tree will be lit at dusk by our Civic Association Presidents as well as our Parade Grand Marshals – Joe DeFelice (Mayfair), Mary Benussi (Tacony), and Rich Frizell (Holmesburg). Stop on up!

The Northeast Riders will be hosting their annual Toy Run on Sunday December 9th. Meet at Brians HD before noon with a new toy to be delivered to children with special needs. PROPS to the Riders for keeping this tradition going!

Thats it gang … As always keep your jokes, pics, whathavue and whatnot coming to DonnysJokes@yahoo.com

Have FUN!!

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