Donnys Jokes

Aug 29, 2012

Funny-and-Clever-Egg-Photography-2

A Coupla One Liners

—-


Q. Did you hear that all the toilets at the police station were stolen?
A. The cops got nothing to go on.

Q. Why is there only one Yogi Bear?
A. Because when they tried to make another one, they made a Boo-Boo.
——


Tick Tick Tick

Steve and his wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man named Norm joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus, so the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a short while, Steve gets irritated by the ticking of Norm’s stick as he taps it on the sidewalk, and he says to him, “Hey Norm, Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”
The blind man replies, “Why don’t you shut your pie hole Steve … If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the fricken bus!”

——

Dave’s Pickin Lemons

Unfortunately finding himself out of work, Dave decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
He applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and of course he was way too qualified for the job. He had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker, a school teacher, and a parts manager.
Looking at his application, Rich the foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” Dave replied “I’ve been divorced three times, I’ve owned 2 Fords, and I voted for Obama in 08!”

—–

Jimmy’s First Day
Jimmy coming home from his first day at school ran into the house and yelled excitedly at his mother Dawn “Mom Mom Mom, I got 100 in school today”
Dawn replies “Thats wonderful Jimmy! What did you get 100 in?”
A very proud Jimmy says “Two things Mom …. I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History!”

——
Mrs. Cooper Meets Stevie
Trying to get to know her new students a little better, the teacher Mrs. Cooper asked the class what their fathers did for a living. When she asked little Stevie Schemely what his father did, Stevie said, “My father’s dead, Mrs Cooper. ” “Oh, I am sorry to hear that Stevie. In that case, what did he do before he died? ” Stevie replied, “He went blue, held his chest, moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and then collapsed. “
—–
Finally ….
First off, I’d like to thank everyone for their kind words, cards, and emails that I, and the rest of the Pennypack Music Festival received over the passing of Ed Kelly. I still can’t believe that he is gone and it’s going to take me quite some time to adjust to his not being with us at the concerts anymore. He absolutely loved the shows and the people who came each week and enjoyed all of the hard work that he put into making it all happen. None of it would have been possible had it not been for Ed Kelly. The man is a hero in my eyes not only for what he did for our neighborhood, but also for keeping live music alive. He did this not just by putting acts on the big stage, but also through music scholarships that are funneled into local schools to continue music education. I’m going to miss him dearly and again, I Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all of your kind words thoughts and prayers!

Speaking of Concerts, there’s only 2 left!

Wednesday Sept 5th (I can’t believe I’m even saying September already … Grrrrrr!!!) staring at 7:00 it’s our “Southern Rock Night” featuring Jersey Bound doing their tribute to ZZ Top followed by Tuesdays Gone doing their tribute to Lynyrd Skynyrd. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I’m diggin this show! Apparently Tom from Scruples is comin and he’s bringin some local talent along with him – Right Tom?!?! Haha!

And finally, on Sept 12th it’s our “Season Finale” featuring Simply the Best doing the best Tina Turner tribute that you’ve ever seen, especially with Aj Slick, Stevie K, Mike Rubino, and Bobby Michaels backing her up! The stage is gonna be filled with talent!

So come on down! Bring your family and friends, and lets enjoy all that Ed did for us just a couple of more times before we wrap it all up for the winter.
(I can’t believe I just wrote the word winter …. Grrrrrrrr!!!)


Keep em coming gang! DonnysJokes@yahoo.com

Have FUN!!
by | Categories: Jokes, OOT News & Alerts |