Donny’s Jokes…November 2011

Nov 9, 2011

Leroy’s Hearing

d68a36be2d89e79c_Photo_Jokes_AIn a Detroit church one morning, the preacher said, “Anyone with special needs, who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the altar”. With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want us to pray about for you? Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing”. With that, the preacher placed his hands on Leroy’s head, and together with the rest of the congregation, they prayed together and asked God to help Leroy with his hearing.  After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands from Leroy’s head, stood back, and asked “Leroy, how is your hearing now?” Leroy replied, ” I dunno preacher .. my hearing ain’t till Tuesday”

Health and Safety Test

I failed a Health and Safety test at work today.
One of the questions was: “In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”
‘F*%king big ones’ was apparently the wrong answer


Aj Hits the Lottery

Aj says to his wife Eileen, “Yo Ei … What would you do if I won the lottery?”
Eileen replies, “I’d take half, and leave your sorry a**!”
“Excellent” he replies … “I won 12 bucks … here’s $6 .. now get the hell out!”



Facebook


Pondering one day, Vince turns to me and says, “Ya know Donny, Facebook is just like Prison”
“How’s that” I asked?
Vince replied, “Well … You sit around all day and waste time, You write on walls, and you get Poked by people you don’t know!


Puzzled Jerome

Little Jerome walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.Jerome sees his mom and asks, ‘Mom … What were you and Dad doing?’ The mother replies, ‘Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.’

‘Your wasting your time,’ said the boy.
‘Why is that?’ the mom asked puzzled.

‘Well …. when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.





Milt’s Earring

Pete is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker Milt is wearing an earring.
Pete knows his Milt to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”
Pete walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” Milt replies sheepishly.

Pete falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my girlfriend found it in my car.”

—-

Finally

Yoooooo!!!

On Sunday Nov 20th, at high noon, the 35th Annual Mayfair/Holmesburg Thanksgiving Parade will be strolling down Frankford avenue once again! This year, Ed Kelly, the man who built the Pennypack stage will be the Grand Marshall, and the theme of the parade is “Bringing Music to Mayfair”. Our own Mr Squishy, aka Mikey V will be MC-ing the event as well. There will be bands, floats, all kinds of stuff for the whole family, so stop on up and together lets Thank Ed for everything that he’s done not just for Mayfair, but for music lovers everywhere!

As always, keep your jokes, pics, whathaveu and whatnot coming to DonnysJokes@yahoo.com

Have FUN!

Donny Smith
Mayfair Civic Association
Sergeant-at-Arms
http://www.mayfaircivicassociation.com/

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