Donny’s Jokes – May / June 2011

May 25, 2011

Abottabad

Osama Bin Laden was found in the town of Abottabad
Talk Abotta bad place to hide!

(PROPS to your US Navy Seals!!)


Emily’s Encounter

A young girl named Emily sneaks into the bathroom, and sees her father Chad in the shower. Naturally, she’s curious, and she asks what his testicles are.
“Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,” Chad proudly tells her!
Impressed, Emily then repeats this information to her mother who replies, “Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?

10 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Swings
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid Section
5. Provide Me Sweets
6. Pardon My Sobbing
7. Pimples May Surface
8. Pass My Sweatpants
9. Pissy Mood Syndrome
( my fave)
10. Potential Murder Suspect

Cricket Boy

Too bad when I was a kid there wasn’t a guy in our class that everybody called the “Cricket Boy”, because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, “You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he’s just like everybody else.” Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I’d invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping, I’d have to kick him out.

Things that I’ve Pondered

– If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
– Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
– Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
– Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
– Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
– Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
– You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole damn plane out of the same material?
– Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
– Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together?
– Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
– How can someone “draw a blank”?
– Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
– What is another word for “thesaurus”?

Deeper Thoughts ...

– I bet it would be pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
– Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tiptop and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.
– Probably to a shark about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal trying to swim to shore, because really, where does he think he’s going?!

Perky Lisa

Lisa, a woman in her mid 50’s, was at home happily jumping up and down on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband Matt watches for a little while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”
Lisa continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that I have the breasts of an 18 year-old!”
“What did he say about your 56 year old ass?” Matt asked
“Your name never came up.”

Finally …

– Thanks to all who came out and made this years Mayfair May-Fair the greatest event ever! Big Time PROPS to T&N, Aj Slick, Boss Hydro, Grafenberg, Static Lounge, Mike LeCompt, and Mike McCullough for coming out and entertaining everyone with some AWESOME music! Special thanks to Arsenal Sound for providing the stage and PA, to Len for recording all of the acts with his little flip camera, and finally to Kevin Goodchild for hooking us up with a drum kit for the day. Thank You!!

– Pennypack Concerts are alive and kicking! Stop on out every Wednesday night at “The Stage” around 7:00 and catch some of the best bands and music this areas ever seen. The shows are all put on with donations, so please be generous if you want these events to carry on!

– On Sunday June 5th from Noon to 5pm, the Northeast Riders M.C. will be having their 15th Annual Hawg Wild Pig Roast – Biker Bash. They’ll be having it on the grounds of the Ukrainian Club 847 N. Franklin St. Philadelphia, PA 19123. If you’ve never been to one of the NE Riders parties before, then you’ve never been to a party! All kinds of cool stuff and contests going on there as well as LeCompt on stage. Shoot me an email for more info or tickets. PROPS to anyone who can toss a keg further than Mike McCullough! He is the KING of the toss!

– Aj Slick’s new CD titled “The Mirror Wouldn’t Lie” is now available! You can pick them up at any of their gigs, online at AjSlick.net, or shoot me an email to get cha one! It is AWESOME!!

– Have a GREAT Memorial Day gang!
As always, keep your jokes, pics, whathaveu and whatnot coming to DonnysJokes@yahoo.com. You guys RAWK!!

Have FUN!!

by | Categories: Jokes |