funny_turkey_thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving!!!

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims

Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers!

Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their AGE!

Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY

Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A: A poultrygeist!

Q: What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!

Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.

Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A Har-VEST.

Q. Why was Plymouth Rock so brave?
A. It was a little boulder

Q. What do hippies put on their Thanksgiving potatoes?
A. Groovy
Q. On what holiday do you play a lot of jokes on people?
A. Pranksgiving

—-


Brownie’s Fish

Brownie goes to Dr. Harry her veterinarian with her pet goldfish and says ” Hey Doc I think my goldfish has epilepsy, can you fix him”? The vet takes a look at the fish and replies, “It seems calm enough to me Brownie.”
Rolling her eyes Brownie replies, ” No duh … I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet!”

—-


Things a Naked Guy Never Wants to Hear (Submitted from Bacon)

– I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
– Awww, it’s cute.
– I guess this makes me the early bird.
– Why don’t we just cuddle?
– You know they have surgery to fix that.
– Make it dance.
– Can I paint a smiley face on it?
– Wow, and your feet are so big.
– It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
– Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
– Can I be honest with you?
– How sweet, you brought incense.
– This explains your car.
– Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
– Why is God punishing me?
– At least this won’t take long.
– I never saw one like that before.
– But it still works, right?
– It looks so unused.
– Maybe it looks better in natural light.
– Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
– Are you cold?
– If you get me really drunk first….
– Is that an optical illusion?
– What is that?
– It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
– Does it come with an air pump?
– So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

—-

Schlitz

Vince walks into JC’s and asks Bowie the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. Bowie says, “What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it? Vince replies, “I hate that shit”. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, “You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks”. “You don’t understand” said Vince, “Chunks is my dog!”


—–

My Observation

Women are always say that giving birth to a child is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. There is obviously no way to directly prove that they are wrong, however a year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It would be nice to have  another child.”

You never hear a guy say, “It sure would  be nice to get kicked in the nuts again!”

—-

Finally

I can’t believe that Thanksgiving is here already, but I’m really excited to see winter whizzing by – I can’t wait till Spring! Once again I’d like to thank all of our volunteers who helped out with the Mayfair Holmesburg Thanksgiving Parade. We couldn’t have done it without you! I’d especially like to thank Saturn, Mike LeCompt, Nick from Stem, Chowder, Jamison, Romeo Delight, Michaels Glass, and as always the Glimmer Twins for performing in the parade. We’re STILL getting emails and phone calls from people telling us how awesome you guys were! They loved you guys – Thank You!!

Speaking of Mayfair, stop on up to the Mayfair Tree lighting and Christmas Village on Sunday December 2nd starting at 1:00 right at Frankford and Cottman. All kinds of crafts (including beer) as well as Santa! The tree will be lit at dusk by our Civic Association Presidents as well as our Parade Grand Marshals – Joe DeFelice (Mayfair), Mary Benussi (Tacony), and Rich Frizell (Holmesburg). Stop on up!

The Northeast Riders will be hosting their annual Toy Run on Sunday December 9th. Meet at Brians HD before noon with a new toy to be delivered to children with special needs. PROPS to the Riders for keeping this tradition going!

Thats it gang … As always keep your jokes, pics, whathavue and whatnot coming to DonnysJokes@yahoo.com

Have FUN!!

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DJ Huggy Bear Bio:
Prom09
-I am 24 years old
-Currently studying Music Education
-I have been working in the bar scene for the past 6 years as a cook and a bouncer, as well as DJ

-I have been DJing for just about 2 years
-I currently work for East Coast Event Group (#: 215-745-4000) which serves the tri-state area
-Although I am a man of the people and love to have the patrons of the bars satisfied with their music, I LOVE to play Electro Dance/Club Music
-My biggest influence as a DJ/Performer is Deadmau5
-I have made a great following and reputation with every bar that I walk in and out of because of my wild personality as well as being someone that everyone can get along with
-I have no shame in my game! If you want me to do something that will amuse you, more than likely I will do it!!
-Although I am still fresh meat in the DJ world, I have grown tremendously in my music choice and how I mix my music!
Yours Musically,
Corey McClinton

djhuggybear@ymail.com

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The Story Of Soraia:
5439363Our story starts on a particularly cold, gray winter evening. Two men stand hovering over the lifeless body of Mansour. One panics while the other holds her – tears streaming from his face dripping onto her pale skin as a needle, which provided a potent shot of cocaine to her left arm, lies next to her motionless body. There was no pulse.

For Mansour, this was just one of many failed attempts at ending her life.

Her middle class upbringing masked an emotionally and physically abusive home life that became hopeless when her mother, who was her protector, her confidante, and her best friend, passed away when Soraia was only 17. She quickly descended into a destructive lifestyle of drug and alcohol abuse. The next four years brought violent relationships, escalating drug use, and the witnessing of horrific events while living with junkies and pushers.

Try as she may, she could not escape the self-imposed abusive lifestyle which had become her reality. Penniless, homeless and left for dead, that fateful night should have been the epilogue of Soraia’s turbulent life. But it wasn’t. Soraia was rescued by the only person who could save her: herself.

With a newfound resolve, she got sober, re-entered college, and finished in two years with a teaching degree and the hope in her heart to finally begin a life she was yet waiting to live. Still, teaching proved not enough to quell her intense longing for expression. She turned to poetry, writing, and finally her first love, singing. Driven and determined, tough and still tender, she began her singing career winning over fans immediately with her passion, pain, and raw emotion. Soraia formed her band in late 2004, and began writing songs and performing live anywhere and everywhere she could. With the same intensity and resolve she had approached every addiction she ever had, she went after her heart’s ultimate desire.

Soraia gives life to her experiences through her voice, and molds the best and worst of her life story through song. A warrior at heart, nowhere is the true Soraia more visible than on stage during one of the band’s ferociously energetic, intoxicating live shows. Her voice showcases the will to survive with a defiant, full-throated vocal performance reminiscent of the great women of rock, such as Grace Slick and Tina Turner. Her sexuality and rawness demand attention of even the most passive of listeners- inviting all of us to the danger rock n’ roll promised to be.

Whether in a hot, sweaty rock club or a massive amphitheatre, Soraia’s charisma and spirit transcends the concert stage and reaches all those who witness SORAIA live. Rarely will you see a band with so much magic and soul as SORAIA. And never will you hear a story so full of hope and heart as that of Soraia Mansour. Her every breath is a testament that miracles really do exist, and that the underdog really can win the whole world.


On June 6, 2012 Jon Bon Jovi attended a Soraia Industry Showcase in Philadelphia, PA. On September 26, 2012 in NYC, Jon Bon Jovi was spotted again at Soraia’s Industry Showcase in support of their upcoming major release.

Band Members:
ZouZou Mansour – Vocals
Anthony Renzulli – Rhythm Guitar
Brain Cassidy – Lead Guitar
Travis Smith – Bass Guitar
Jason Miraglia – Drums
Mike Lawson – Keyboard

SHOW DATES:
Thu Nov 15 – 10:30PM
Rebel Rock Bar
Acoustic Show


Fri Nov 23 – 9PM
Club Risque


Thu Nov 29 – 5PM
Soraia LIVE! on 93.3 WMMR FM’s “Camp Out for Hunger” on Jaxon’s Show


Fri Nov 30 – 5PM
Soraia on Radio 104.5 FM Philadelphia: “Live at 5”


Fri Nov 30 – 8PM
Bus Stop Music Cafe/Record Store
ALL AGES ACOUSTIC SHOW


Thu Dec 06 – 11PM
Hot Shots
21+


Fri Dec 07 – 9PM
Studio 98


Fri Dec 21 – 9PM
A Holiday Evening with Soraia at Sine Studios
ALL AGES


Fri Jan 11 2013 – 9PM
JB McGinnes


Sat Jan 26 2013
The Note
18+


For all updates on Soraia, please visit
SORAIA.COM

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by Mike Vagnoni / *Photos by Dom Ditanna
downloadFor this issue we headed to the shore and want you to meet  Amanda Kimberly from the Windjammer Diner / Grille in Somers Point NJ.  Amanda is 5′ 4” and has blonde hair and blue eyes.  She was born
Austin Texas and now is a resident of Ocean City NJ…She has many friends and a great fan base.
.  She’s doing all she can to keep spirits up for everyone when she does her shift…and since Hurricane Sandy hit the shore area, she has seen a lot and heard so many stories.
ON BARTENDING: ” I like being a bartender because I get to meet up with so many different people and all with interesting stories”, she says.  We know she has heard many.
HOBBIES: Jogging, Boating, loves going to all sports events. She loves football and her favorite team
are the Houston Texans. We can see that, since she came here from Texas many years ago.
FAVORITE DRINK TO SERVE: Long Island Ice tea with Jack Daniels…
ON MUSIC:  Favorite music is COUNTRY
FAVORITE RADIO STATION: 107.3 “Kat Country” at the shore
Stop by the Windjammer Diner & Grille located at 18 Macarthur Blvd. in Somers Point NJ., and meet up with Amanda tell her you did see her in the latest OOT Guide….
(See more by going to www.ootonline.com ) Shouts out to our boy Neil Cirucci for his tip for this Issue’s Bartender of the month.  If you know of any bartender that you would like to be seen featured, – just send us an email to: ootme2@ aol.com

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Photo_1If you have ever traveled up & down on Frankford Avenue in far NE Philly, you have notified several bar, taverns & restaurants along this well driven path. On the corner of Frankford Avenue & Sheffield Street, stands this bright stature of a building by the name of “SmokeEaters Pub”. You can’t go past this well established business without noticing all of the new & exciting changes. From the dazzling marquee signage, spacious parking lot & sleek contemporary outside seating, I just knew it was time for me to see what the new “SmokeEaters Pub” is all about.
As I walked into “SmokeEaters Pub”, it was so freakin obvious, this is no average neighborhood corner bar. The atmosphere was very eye pleasing with very cool lighting that made this place pop with excitement, not to mention the wide selection of cozy seating, from dining tables, to high tops or the large bar that is loaded with relaxing & very comfortable seats. Flat screen televisions cover this wonderland on every wall possible. While I was wondering around the tavern, I took notice to all the fun things to do here, such pool tables, dart boards, golf video machines & beer pong tables. It is like a cruise ship on dry land for adults (I freakin luv it). This state of the art WiFi hotspot also has a complete fully loaded lower level banquet room for private parties.
My dining posse & I were greeted by a very attractive & delightful woman named “Shannon”, as we discovered she was going to be our server for the evening. Due to my growing popularity with “Out On The Town” Entertainment Paper & OOTOnline.com, “Shannon” was prepared like a true professional with my cocktail (Jack Daniels & Diet Coke) in hand. It was so relaxing to sip on a finely mixed beverage as I was reading the all new “SmokeEaters Pub” menu. I would also like to give special thanks to “Billy da Bartender” for adding both a lemon & a lime to my refreshing cold cocktail. If you are a single young lady looking for a stud bartender to entertain you all night, then you got to hit “SmokeEaters Pub” & ask for “Billy da Bartender”. Some of the other very accomplished & efficient staff consists of “Dorothy”, “Lindsay”, “Erin”, “Luci”, “Heather”, “Brandon”, “Eric”, “Matt” & “Greg”.
The general manager “Brian Gunn” (boss man), has totally revamped this entire facility with an all new attitude towards customer service & making “SmokeEaters Pub” patron’s completely satisfied in every way. He has been working very closely with his 2 new culinary geniuses, “Chef Eric” & “Chef John” as they are all now hosting a new vibrant & flavorful menu with all made from scratch ingredients. The new menu definitely reflects both “Chef Eric” & “Chef John’s” appetite for bold & mouth watering recipes. I was very honored & got to have a sit down chat with “Chef Eric”, who is classically trained in southern cajun cuisine.
For my first selection, I just had to try the “French Onion Soup”. Now I don’t have to tell you all what is in a “French Onion Soup”, but I will tell you that this was freakin insane with freshly sliced caramelized onions, crispy baked crouton, melted mozzarella cheese along with a special family ingredient that “Chef Eric” will not reveal to me (I know what it is, but I swore not to tell). All this, including various spices were baked to perfection & then placed in front of me for my consumption. The soup was sensational as I finished it completely to the last caramelized onion drop.
Since I rolled up in “SmokeEaters Pub” strong with a posse of 3 friendz & myself, we decided to try both the “SmokeEaters Game Day Sampler” & the “Amazing Bowl Of Mussels”. The sampler was packed with a large variety of appetizers such as, “Beer Batter Onion Rings”, “Chicken Fingers”, “Mozzarella Sticks”, “Popcorn Shrimp” & “French Fries”. I really don’t know where to start, but it was all so damn delectable & a nice way to start off our meal. If I had to pick out 1 of these remarkable sampler items, the “Beer Batter Onion Rings” where freshly sliced with a light coating, which turned out perfect with a flaky & crispy crunch. And if you like mussels, you gotta try “SmokeEaters Pub’s” big bowl of mussels bathed in red or white wine sauce, butter & garlic steamed to excellence.
It was so focking hard for me to just choose just 1 entry from their scrumptious list of culinary delights, so they decided to indulge me in a freakin “SmokeEaters Pub” buffet. Let me begin with my 2 personal favorites as entrée items, the “Chicken Marsala” & the “Lemon Chicken”. Beginning with the “Chicken Marsala”, it was several pieces of moist chicken breasts grilled with awesome seasoning, the topped with a savory rich creamy sauce as sliced mushrooms where added. The “Lemon Chicken” was cooked perfectly in white wine, with peppers, onions & mushrooms, topped with light refreshing lemon zest flavor. Both of these items come with a nice proportion of “Penne Pasta” & come very highly recommended.
The entrée sampling continued with sum freakin amazing food, so if I may, please let me recommend a few items that you must try when hitting “SmokeEaters Pub”. You gotta remember all these items are now homemade & cooked with fresh ingredients to your perfection. “Philly Cheese Steak Nachos” are so damn yummy in a Philadelphia kinda way. “Mayfair Mega Double Burger” is 2 – 8oz fresh burgers, topped with 3 cheeses, bacon and onion rings all over a huge pile of French fries. “Surf & Turf Burger” comes topped with a humongous heaping of their famous lump crab meat. ““SmokeEaters Pub” Hot Wings” are treated in a light flour & seasoning mixture, then fried to complete supremacy & shaken with a homemade signature hot sauce. This foodie fantasy headquarters also carries over 13 varieties of “Quesadillas” that are so mouthwatering. I can’t continue, just get your butt over here & sample sum of these delectable items for yourself, you will not be disappointed.
Just like they tell me over @ “SmokeEaters Pub”, if you can think of it, then they will definitely make it for you to enjoy. The new refreshing attitude here is, “A customer today, is a customer for tomorrow”.
“SmokeEaters Pub” now has a new $9.95 full course dinner entrée menu, with a nice variety of main course items that also include soup or a salad. How can you go wrong with this amazing option for a freshly home cooked meal for just $9.95. Did I mention that all the sauces used here @ “SmokeEaters Pub” are made in house daily by either “Chef Eric” or “Chef John”.
Like I said earlier, “SmokeEaters Pub” has a huge lower level banquet room for all your private party needs, such as receptions, private gatherings, birthday parties, funeral luncheons, bachelorette parties, bachelor parties, or whatever you desire. To reserve this spacious area & inquire about the fantastic banquet menu specials, please call “Dorothy” or “Brian” @ 215.338.4188.
“SmokeEaters Pub” is freakin loaded with sum awesome & outstanding weekly specials like, Monday’s (5pm – 10pm Build Your Own Burger Night $3.50, domestic pitchers $5, domestic buckets $10 & imported buckets $15), Tuesday’s (5pm – 10pm Fiesta Night, Bud Limes $2, Coronas $3 & margaritas $5), Wednesday’s (5pm – 11pm Wing Night ½ price wings & domestic drafts $1.75), Thursday’s (5pm – 11pm mini cheese steaks $3, Bud bottles $2, vodka Liquid Lightning $3 & Three Olives cocktails $4), Friday’s (3pm – 8pm ½ price appetizers, 8pm – 10pm Coors Light bottles $2, 10pm – 12am well drinks $3, Beat Bomb Night starting @ 8pm $1 & going up $1 every hour), Saturday (12pm – 6pm pizza & pitchers $8, 8pm – 11pm Miller Lite bottles $2 & Captain Morgan drinks $3), Sunday’s (EAGLES games ½ price wings & mussels, domestic drafts $1.50 & domestic bottles $2). And if that is not enough, please continue reading!!
Nobody does shyt like this, “SmokeEaters Pub” has new daily specials going on all 7 dayz of the week (Mon – Sun), all day long you can get $1.50 PBR draft beer, $15 domestic buckets & $18 imported buckets (did I mention this goes on every day all day). Happy Hour 6pm – 8pm (every day of da week) goes down like this, $1 domestic drafts, $2 domestic bottles, $3 imported bottles & $3 well drinks. If money is tight right now (like it is for my crazy azz) then you seriously need to check out “SmokeEaters Pub” for a great time at very reasonable prices.
Bring all of your close friendz, co-workers, along with your family to this very impressive NE Philly eatery & tavern with an all new fascinating foodie menu that will excite every taste bud you have in your culinary tongue. Not to mention, “SmokeEaters Pub” is a great night spot for beverages & good conversations with great people, they also have a DJ every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday for you to enjoy. Every Wednesday night they host Quizzo craziness with tons of prizes if your team is smarter than a fifth grader. You must include this spectacular place on your wish list & check it out, the sooner the better. When you go, make sure you tell them your boy “Roundhouse Ron” sent you ;-}
Please stop by “SmokeEaters Pub”, 7681 Frankford Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19136, 215.338.4188, www.SmokeEatersPub.com, they can also be found on social media @ facebook, just go to: “SmokeEaters Pub”. “The Hottest Bar In Philadelphia”

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by Mike Vagnoni
image(5)Located at 4501 Sheffield Street in the Mayfair section of Phila., is a real cool place called the Sheffield Tavern. For many years this neighborhood spot  was the place where you can walk to and know what to expect when it comes to food and drink and atmosphere.  A big change has taken place at the Sheffield, and many still are not aware of the changes, as the place re-opened in February 2012…and speaking with   Danielle Jovovich, the head bartender, she filled us in on the new Sheffield Tavern and Dance Club.
” The Sheffield Tavern is now more then just a local tavern, it is place that also offers so much for anyone and for everything you would look for to enjoy yourself ” she says.” We re-opened in February of 2012 and with new management.- Ed Bradly and John Mc Camley and the two of them really changed the look inside. The lounge area is very modern looking and features  a black granite top bar in the back area along with maple wood floors and has the feel of a sexy center city lounge..  We have the front bar area with a big bar as soon as you enter into the tavern and this is where the daily fun begins each day at 7 am.with our Bartender Beverly mon to friday.  Then at night the Tavern explodes into a Dance Club…yes, the lights and atmosphere take over with the modern industrial look and from a corner tavern you are now into a plush Dance Club”.
The Sheffiled Tavern is open 7 days a week and also has a great kitchen where you can sample excellent bar food, from appetizers to sandwiches to pizza .and of course finger foods.
Danielle explained to us about the dance nights and what goes on over at the Sheffield. “We are doing something that no -one else is doing in our area and that is offering a country night every wednesday…it is so much fun and each week we look forward to this”.  DJ Yessir spins the modern day country tunes on Wed….The nights of music are:….wednesday, thursdays, fridays and saturdays…steady DJ’s making the music come alive and the music is Top 40 House DJ’s are:  DJ Crumb on fridays and DJ Stampone on saturdays along with special nights by DJ Yessir. They offer great drink specials daily…
The average age that comes to the Sheffield tavern is all over the board.from a young 21 to a person over their  50’s.  They offer Happy Hour from 4 to 6pm with 1./2 price drinks. On friday and saturdays they have a nice loyal young group who make the Sheffield the Dance Club that it is…on the weekend you better get their early because this place is packed.
Sports is a big ticket in our area and the Sheffield  has HDTV’s behind the large front bar area for all sporting events.
We asked Danielle  what she liked most about being a bartender at the Sheffield Tavern and what it’s like working there and she ended the interview  by saying this..”.All of us here ( there are 39 Bartenders) put on a good show when behind the bar and we enjoy the kind of relationships that we establish with our patrons. The Sheffield has a good vibe and that is what it’s like working here.
” It’s really a cool place with good vibe.”


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