laugh
The Remedy

One day, Mary goes to see her doctor all black and blue
Doctor: “Mary, What happened?”
Mary: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband Bradley comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp!”
Doctor: “I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth, but don’t swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his drunken stupor.”

Two weeks later Mary comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Mary: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he never touched me!”
Doctor: “You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?”


Hollywood Squares

I was thinking about the game show Hollywood Squares, and below are some of the answers that I thought that some of my friends would give to of my questions.

Here ya go:

Q. Nick, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Nicoletti: Loneliness!

Q. Do female frogs croak
A. Jo: If you hold their little heads under water long enough they do!

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Houl: Three days of steady drinking should do it!

Q. True or False – A pea can last as long as 5000 years?
A. Stevie K: Boy it sure seems that way!

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you a man or a woman?
A. Bowie: That’s what’s been keeping me awake!

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he is attractive, is it ok to come out and ask him?
A. Tina Klein: No – Wait until morning

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Buddy Cash: My sense of decency

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I love you’?
A. Pete McD: No – You can say it with a pineapple and a twenty!

Q. Sue, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Sue Saint: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries!

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Nancy from Currans: The pin boy!

Q. It’s considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at a nudist camp. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Bradley: Tape measures

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Judy from Currans: Unfortunately I’m always safe in the bedroom

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Ape: Only after lights out

Q. If you are pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Kimberly: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark!

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Aj: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected!

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with kissing a lot of people?
A. Kevin McCloskey: It got me out of the Army!

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Johnny Rogers: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it’s sex?
A. Mike LeCompt: I’ll lend him the car, but the rest is up to him

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things that you should never do in bed?
A. Sue Cabry: Point and laugh


Holding Up Her End

After being married for 44 years, Mike McCullough took a careful look at his wife Sue one day and said, “You know … 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10 inch black and white tv, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old girl! Now I have a $500k home, a $45k car, a nice big bed, and a plasma tv, but I’m sleeping with a 69 year old woman. It seems to me as though you’re not holding up your side of things.”

Sue, being a very reasonable woman, told Mike to go out and find himself a hot 25 year old girl, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on the sofa bed, and watching a 10 inch tv.

Funeral for a Friend

When Aj passed away his wife Eileen put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when Mike, a friend of Aj’s phoned Eileen and complained bitterly. “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea” came the angry voice. Eileen replied, “I nursed him night and day Mike, so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover, instead of the big shit he always was!”

Gay Love

Elton John and his mate David decided to have a baby. They had their sperm mixed together and had a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby was born, Elton and David were waiting at the hospital. They were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cribs, eleven of whom were crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby was smiling serenely. A nurse came over to the both of them and indicated that the happy baby was theirs.
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Elton said to David. “All of these un-happy babies and yet ours is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!” Overhearing Elton, the the nurse replied “Oh sure, he’s happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass!”

Finally

Yo gang – LOTS going on!

Starting next Saturday (May 14th), we’ve got the Mayfair Memorial Fallen Heroes Run honoring Sgt. Patrick McDonald. The run starts at 8:00 at Lincoln HS (Ryan ave parking lot). Shoot me an email for registration form or more details

Immediately following, we’ve got the Mayfair May-Fair! Right there at Cottman and Frankford we’ll have a stage set up next to Pat’s Music and we’ll be rotating several bands through there. Live performances by: Mike LeCompt, A.J. Slick, Boss Hydro, Static Lounge and Grafenberg. With acoustic sets by Mike McCullough, and T&N. It’s gonna ROCK! Also on the ave there will be sidewalk sales, moon bounce, best dressed pet contest, and several other things for all ages to enjoy. It’s gonna be AWESOME!!

AJ Slick has FINALLY released his newest CD, and it is AWESOME!! It’ll be available at all of his gigs (including the May-Fair), or you can hit me up to get one! PROPS to Aj, Stevie K, and Marc for putting out one heluva CD!!

Finally, tattoo this date onto your hand kids!

On Sunday June 5th from  Noon to 5pm, the Northeast Riders M.C. will be having their 15th Annual Hawg Wild Pig Roast – Biker Bash. They’ll be having it on the grounds of the Ukrainian Club 847 N. Franklin St. Philadelphia, PA 19123. If you’ve never been to one of the NE Riders parties before, then you’ve never been to a party! All kinds of cool stuff and contests going on there as well as LeCompt on stage. Shoot me an email for more info or tickets.

DonnysJokes@yahoo.com

I hope to see you at one, or ALL of the events!

Have FUN!!

by MikeV | Categories: Jokes | Comments Off

beachbar5May 27-September 5
Beach Bar by day … Outdoor club by night.

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ April 27, 2011 — Trump Plaza announced it will open its award winning Beach Bar for summer 2011 on Friday, May 27.  The Beach Bar at Trump Plaza is one of Atlantic City’s hottest summer destinations, recognized as one of the 21 sexiest beach bars by the Travel Channel and winner of the 2011 Atlantic City Nightlife Awards for Best Beach Bar.

The Beach Bar will open Memorial Day weekend, Friday, May 27 through May 29 and will be open weekends through Sunday, June 26.  Starting Thursday, June 30, The Beach Bar will open 7 days a week.  The Beach Bar will also open Thursday, June 23 for a special party to kick off the Dave Matthews Band Caravan.

The 21,500 sq ft. outdoor party pad features a delicious menu including light fare such as Nachos Grande, Shrimp Cocktail and Steamers.  For lunch or dinner try the Caribbean Chicken Salad, Jersey Shore Crab Cakes, the Beach Bar Burger or one of the other delicious entrées. Party with live music, hot DJ’s and a mix of chilled cocktails throughout the day and into the night.

Starting in July, the party heats up Monday through Friday, 4pm to 7pm with happy hour.  In addition to discounted drinks and entertainment, guests can also participate in sweepstakes and giveaways that include travel vacations and much more.  Every night at 10pm, The Beach Bar transforms into the biggest outdoor nightclub in Atlantic City.

The Beach Bar is located off the Boardwalk in front of Trump Plaza.  Parking is available in the Trump Plaza parking garage off of Missouri Avenue.

Memorial Day Weekend Lineup:
Friday, May 27 – Entertainment 4pm-12am
Saturday, May 28 – Entertainment 1pm-2am
Sunday, May 29 Entertainment 2pm-12am

Highlight of The Beach Bar event Calendar:
Mondays – Latin Night
Thursdays – S.I.N. on the Beach with Eddie Edge, DJ Vito G and Freezie 10pm-3am. Casino employees get in free.
Sundays – Island music with Brian and the Coconutz 2pm-6pm
July 13 – U2 Tribute Band
September 4 – Don’t Call Me Francis 7pm-10:30pm

by MikeV | Categories: Casinos, Features | Comments Off

By Helene

sparkysIf you haven’t been to Sparky’s World Famous yet, you have been missing out on one Helluva Great Time! Why is it World Famous? According to the owner, Rich, “It’s because of our Great Customers, Legendary Staff, and Fun Times!” He added, “We are going on our 25th year and I would like to think that Sparky’s World Famous has lived up to its name!” And that you can believe! Wanting something different than the typical run of the mill sports bar, he added the “World Famous” after the original Sparky’s name and built up a little piece of paradise to share with everyone! This little gem is located at 4333 New Falls Road in Levittown, PA. Once inside the Palm Trees, Twinkle Lights, Parrots hanging from the ceiling, Flower Leis, Beads, and Icy Cold Beer & Frozen Drinks-lends to a tropical atmosphere that is sure to bring out the big kid in everyone!

Sparky’s World Famous is open Monday-Saturday from 7am-2am and Sunday from 11am-2am, 365 days a year; well known for throwing some great parties! Wanna spend your birthday there? It’s mandatory that your party get a FREE Bottle of Champagne, leis and beads for you and your friends to share. Every Tuesday is FREE POOL! Thursday-Karaoke, Friday-DJ, Sat- The Best Live Bands!
Speaking of special occasions, Sparky’s World Famous is bringing the BEACH to YOU! Get your Flip Flops and Beach Attire ready, for the Biggest Beach Party in Town with 2,500 pounds of sand, all kinds of food and entertainment, plenty of booze in the blender, limbo contests and other fun activities starting Wednesday, May 18th and ending on Sunday, May 22nd. On Wednesday, ENJOY-Jimmy Buffet Tribute Act, Jimmy and Jimmy from Jimmy and The Parrots; performing from 8-12! EAT-Shrimp, Clams, and Crab Cake Sandwiches. Do your best SHIMMY for the Limbo Contest and DRINK up and start all over again! On Thursday-Karaoke, Friday-DJ spinning Retro Surf and Oldies Music, Saturday-Blue Reign will be bringing their brand of cool BLUES & MORE, plus there will be prizes for the SEXIEST & FUNNIEST BEACH BABE & GUY! Sunday, May 22nd- is gonna be one helluva a wrap up too! No need to drive to the shore, no need to sit in traffic and spend your hard earned money on skyrocketing gas prices, Sparky’s World Famous is right here in your neighborhood.

This Beach Party is the start of a 5 month long party in celebration of their 25th Anniversary. In June, Sparky’s World Famous will be sponsoring a Customer Appreciation Day with a huge cook-out. On July 4th celebrate your independence and enjoy lots of bbq food! Then right after Labor Day there will be the Grand Finale, celebrating their 25 successful years in the business! Rich says, “When we do it, We do it BIG! Their reputation speaks for itself, with longstanding staff-some who have worked there for over 20 years, they are doing something Right! And there is never a cover charge.  Coming soon-get your own Tropical 365 T-Shirt for more information call (215) 943-2321 or check them out on Facebook. What are YOU waiting for?!

by MikeV | Categories: Bars & Clubs, Features | Comments Off

By Krista Doran

P1110070Have you ever been to a local eatery that offers everything…Good food, a great staff, reasonable prices and a relaxing atmosphere?  Well if that is what you are looking for, Maggie’s Waterfront Café located at 9242 North Delaware Avenue in NE Philly offers ALL of this and more!

Maggie’s is the type of place that is going to appeal to everyone.  It is located right on the Delaware River and it’s wide open doors in front are perfect for indoor dining, while getting a good look at the river views.  If you prefer to dine al fresco with the river breeze softly touching your shoulders, Maggie’s patio is NOW OPEN!  The crowd at Maggie’s tends to be the 30+ crowd with lots of families, couples and people who are just simply looking for good food and drink at reasonable prices.  During this tough economy, Maggie’s has really made an effort to keep their prices low, while still serving quality food.  I met with owner and proprietor, Kevin Goodchild who also owns Goodchild’s Repair Center on Wissinoming Street in NE Philly.  “We offer good food at good prices.  It’s something I am very proud of,” Kevin told me.  One of the biggest hits at Maggie’s has been their kids menu, which offers the choice of a Mini Pizza, Grilled Cheese, Chicken Tenders or Mac & Cheese, along with fries and a drink for just $3.99.  The rest of their menu offers something for everyone.  From Soups, Salads and Appetizers to Sandwiches, Burgers and full entrees, Maggie’s Waterfront Café can keep all the members of your family happy without breaking the bank.

We dined there last week and enjoyed the Crab-stuffed Filet Mignon and Chicken Florentine, both served with creamy, red bliss mashed potatoes and crispy seasonal veggies.  The filet and the chicken were cooked to perfection, tender and full of flavor.  Both dinners were just delicious!  Maggie’s offers plenty to choose from for meat and seafood lovers alike! Some of the menu favorites are items such as the Creamy Crab Soup for $4.99, or the Bronze Shrimp Appetizer for $8.99.  Other menu favorites are the Cajun Perogies which are sautéed with onions and delicious Cajun spices, the Mesquite Chicken Spring Rolls loaded with chicken, bacon, cheddar cheese and onions & served with pepper jam, and their yummy Jumbo Lump Crab cakes.  Dining at Maggie’s is just like being down the shore in an open air setting where you can enjoy various beef, chicken and seafood dishes.  Some of the more popular Spring and Summertime favorites are the Steamed Mussels and Clams, Beer Battered Shrimp and Blackened Scallops, just to name a few.  And nothing is better than taking in the sites and sounds of being near the water, while washing down some mussels or clams with an ice cold beer…..ahhhhhh!  I have been there many times for dinner myself & the food and service are fabulous!

Every day of the week Maggie’s offers some sort of special.  They have an “Everyday Lunch Special” that runs from 11 am – 3 pm where you can get any sandwich on the menu, Maggie’s Famous Seasoned Fries, a choice of Soup or Salad and a drink for just $7.77 – now that is a LUCKY DEAL!  On Monday, come in and enjoy $2.00 Yuengling Pints and All-U-Can-Eat Mussels for just $9.99.  Tuesdays from 7 pm – 10 pm get any appetizer ½ off, $2.00 Coors Light Pints and enjoy Karaoke from 9 pm – 1 am in the bar.  Wednesdays is Quizzo Night from 8 – 10 pm with all kinds of prizes, $.35 wings, $3.00 Twisted Teas or Smirnoff Ice and $2.00 Miller Lite Pints.  Thursday its Pick-n-Peel Shrimp Night – $6.99 for a ½ lb of yummy shrimp or you can opt for Dungeness Crabs at just $10.99 a lb!  Get a Sam Adams Seasonal Pint with them for just $3.50 and you’ll be happy as a clam!  Friday and Saturday nights offers Maggie’s DJ Dance Party from 10 pm – 2 am and great drink specials all night.  Sundays it’s the Oldies Dance Party with OOT’s own Mikey V from 4 pm – 7 pm.  Come out and enjoy your Sunday afternoon while feasting on great food and drink specials outside on the patio.  Monday through Thursday you can also take advantage of Maggie’s Early Bird Dinner for just $8.95 and Monday & Tuesday its Maggie’s 2 for $20 dinner special from 5:30 pm to 9:30 pm.  Happy Hour is Monday through Friday 4:30 pm – 6:30 pm where you can get $2.00 Domestic bottles and pints, well drinks and select appetizers.

Maggie’s is also home to many private parties and events.  The outdoor patio is a wonderful place to host a benefit, shower or birthday party.  My friends and I put together a benefit last year at Maggie’s and Kevin’s Event Manager, Darlene made it so easy.  They were really wonderful to us.  Maggie’s is the place every summer for many Police and Fire events, too.  In fact, coming up on 5/14 they will be hosting the Philadelphia Firefighter Benefit featuring live music by Split Decision and Saturn.  Tickets are on sale now, so get yours before they are gone and support your local Firefighters!

I give Kevin and his staff A LOT of credit.  They have created a wonderful place for families and people of all ages to dine, unwind and just enjoy the beautiful scenery of the Delaware River in a safe and wholesome environment.  Maggie’s offers value for your money and a place to feel welcome whether you come in alone or with a group of your friends.   It’s a viable business, employing many hard-working people that support their own families, thus adding economic growth to the area.  All of us at The Out on The Town wish Kevin and his staff much success in the many years to come for Maggie’s Waterfront Café!

by MikeV | Categories: Bars & Clubs, Dining Out | Comments Off